The Power of No: Overcoming Misconceptions and Setting Boundaries

Written By: Trisha Sullivan

    In my last blog post, I asked my readers a question about misconceptions. Today, I want to talk about one of those misconceptions in more detail: the idea that people who are healing give off an air of superiority.

    This couldn’t be further from the truth. We should all be striving for better, but sometimes we get too caught up in trying to help others heal. It’s not our job to do the work for them, and we shouldn’t try to portray ourselves as better than anyone else. Instead, we should acknowledge that we’re all broken and work together to fix ourselves.

    I’ve struggled with being a “fixer” my whole life, focusing too much on other people’s problems instead of my own. But through self-care, I’ve learned that healing starts with yourself. It’s important to take care of your own needs and make sure you’re in a good place before trying to help others.

    Self-care can take many forms: meditation, exercise, therapy, or simply taking time for yourself. Whatever it looks like for you, it’s crucial to prioritize it. When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to help others.

    My therapist once told me that you’ll know you’re on the right path to healing when you start setting boundaries for yourself. This can feel uneasy at first, especially if you’ve always been a people-pleaser. But it’s important to remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-love.

    When you start to set boundaries, people may not be happy with you. They may not like that you’re no longer putting their needs ahead of your own. But that's okay. You’re not responsible for their happiness, and it’s not your job to make them feel comfortable. It’s such an important part of self-care and healing, but it can also be one of the hardest things to do. When you’re used to putting everyone else’s needs before your own, it can feel uncomfortable to start prioritizing yourself. But I want to encourage you to do it anyway, because it’s truly one of the most loving things you can do for yourself.

    When I first started learning about self-care and setting boundaries, I was terrified. I had always been the type of person who would do anything for anyone, even if it meant sacrificing my own needs and well-being. I thought that was what it meant to be a good person, to put others first. But the truth is, that’s not sustainable. Eventually, you’ll burn out. You’ll start to resent the people you’re helping because you’re neglecting your own needs. And worst of all, you’ll start to lose yourself.

    That’s where setting boundaries comes in. It’s not about being selfish or uncaring. It’s about recognizing that you have needs too, and that it’s okay to prioritize them. It’s about saying no to things that don’t serve you, and yes to things that do. It’s about creating a life that feels good to you, instead of constantly trying to please others.

    But here’s the thing- setting boundaries is hard. It’s uncomfortable. It can feel like you’re letting people down, or like you’re not doing enough. And sometimes, people won’t like it. They’ll push back, or they’ll get angry, or they’ll try to guilt you into changing your mind. And that’s where it gets really difficult because you have to stay strong in your convictions.

    But I promise you, it’s worth it. It’s worth the discomfort, the fear, the uncertainty. Because when you start setting boundaries, you’re telling the world that you matter. You’re telling yourself that you matter. You’re taking a stand for your own well-being, and that’s incredibly powerful.

    It can be difficult when you’re with someone who doesn’t understand your traumas and you feel like you’re stuck in the same cycle of fight or flight. It’s important to remember that healing is a personal journey, and sometimes your partner won’t be able to provide the support you need. If you’ve expressed that their actions are hurting you and they don’t see an issue with their behavior, it’s okay to walk away. You aren’t broken, you just need understanding and support from someone who is willing to put in the work. Don’t let your partner’s lack of understanding keep you from healing and growing. You deserve to be with someone who uplifts and supports you on your journey.

    So, if you’re feeling uneasy about setting boundaries, know that you’re not alone. It’s a difficult thing to do, but it’s also one of the most loving things you can do for yourself. And if you need support or encouragement along the way, I’m here for you. Because you matter, and your needs matter, and you deserve to live a life that feels good to you. Remember that you are worthy of love, respect, and care. Setting those boundaries is a powerful way to honor that truth. Keep taking small steps, and know that with time and practice, it will get easier. I believe in you!

    In conclusion, we should all strive for better, but we shouldn’t try to do it at the expense of others. Healing starts with yourself, and it’s important to prioritize self-care. We’re all broken, and that’s okay. By working together and supporting each other, we can all become our best selves. Remember that setting boundaries is an act of self-love and an important part of the healing process.

Chat With Me! 😊💭

Answer one of these questions in the comments or share your personal thoughts with me:

💭-How do you handle situations where someone’s misconceptions or lack of understanding is causing you harm?

💻📢💭-How do you typically respond when someone makes assumptions about you or your experiences? What are some ways you’ve found to correct these assumptions?

💑💭-Have you ever had to set a boundary with someone you care about? How did you navigate that relationship moving forward?

💲✌💭-How can we create a culture that values and respects boundaries and encourages open and honest communication?

⏳😨❌💭-How do you teach your children about setting boundaries and recognizing when someone is overstepping them?

😡😭😂💭-What are some common misconceptions about parenting that you’ve encountered? How have you addressed them?

💞🌱🌈💭-How can we better educate parents and caregivers about the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing misconceptions to create a safer, healthier environment for children?

I can't wait to hear from you- Trisha S.